wasted mind, wasted thoughts

I think this would be a great song to make love to..
But how the hell would I know!?
Thanks for the song JH!
You got it dug out from my head again somehow..

----------------------------------------------------

Mazzy Star - Fade Into You

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that’s true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You’ll come apart and you’ll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what’s not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew

A stranger’s light comes on slowly
A stranger’s heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew
I think it’s strange you never knew

Suede - New Generation

I wake up every day to see her back again
Screaming my name through the astral plane
And in this catalogue town she takes me down
Down through the platinum spires
Down through the telephone wires
And we shake it around in the underground
And like a new generation rise

And like all the boys in all the cities
I take the poison, take the pity
But she and I, we soon discovered
we'd take the pills to find each other

Oh but when she is calling here in my head
Can you hear her calling
And what she has said?
Oh but when she is calling here in my head
It's like a new generation calling
Can you hear it call?
And I'm losing myself, losing myself to you

I wake up every day, to find her back again
Breeding disease on her hands and knees
While the styles turn and the books still burn
Yes it's there in the platinum spires
It's there in the telephone wires
And we spread it around to a techno sound
But like a new generation rise

Cos like all the boys in all the cities
I take the poison, take the pity
But she and I we soon discover
We take the pills to find each other

Oh but when she is calling here in my head
Can you hear her calling?
And what she has said?
Oh but when she is calling here in my head
It's like a new generation calling

Can you hear her call?

And I'm losing myself, losing myself to you

Alright.
I'm irritated by the fact that I can't rip off anything from Yap's portable HD.
And the thing is I can transfer stuff from my mac to his HD!
Irritating.
And CDRW has it's problems as well.
Equally irritating.
I hope microsoft and apple come to a consensus someday.
For the good of all mankind!

Well, went to recce for some locations for the throw away project(TAP).
Wow, was amazed at the hidden beauty that Singapore holds.
Checked out the last dragon kiln in Singapore and found it perfect for 'Earth'.
Loved the holes in the kiln itself, allowing only portions of light in, making this beautiful contrast which I so adore.
The place exhibits peace and serenity, makes you feel like you're taken away from this island, to another uninhibited island.
Went to Qian Hu Fish Farm after that to check out 'Water'.
Didn't have anything interesting to frame, as I would be shooting with available light, which that place didn't have much.
For 'Wind' and 'Fire', they would be do or die missions, without recce, only pictures in my head, and blindly hoping for pure luck.
Hopefully the days(or day) of shoot would have lovely weather, and enough light.
Any lovely ladies want to model for me?
I don't need skimpy outfits or sexy poses. Just be in the frame.
Anyone?

Ok, the quote from 'Be With Me' might not be right.
So whoever watches the show, do correct me.
It should be out 8th sept if I'm not wrong..
Anyway, short blog before I go dvd watching instead of studying.

What do I want to get if I won toto?
1)Ipod photo 60gb
2)Nikon D70s
3)Mini DV (DVX100 would be great!)
4)DV tape deck
5)that TV that people use for editing purposes
6)Home entertainment system
7)Air-con
8)LOADS of CDs
9)LOADS of DVDs
10)Make my own feature
11)a china wife

What will I get if I used hard earned money?
1)Ipod 20gb ($400++++)
2)Nikon D70s($1700++ = wait long long)
3)Thumbdrive 1gb ($100++)
4)Bluetooth attachment ($39 or $49)
5)Headphones ($80+)

It's nice to have dreams.
It seperates us from reality momentarily.

'Be with me, my beloved love,
that my smile may never disappear.'

The final line, quoted from Eric Khoo's latest feature, 'Be With Me'.
Such a fantastic local film.
The show is so close to the heart, so raw, so moving.
It was so good that certain scenes had my goosebumps raised.
Not because it was freaky, but because of the issues raised in the show.
In a nutshell, this show touches on 3 (or 4?) stories about love, life, and human affection.
Usually when I hear that a film touches on the topic of love, I get skeptical and give cynical comments about how cliche or commercialised these films get.
This is different.
It is so close to the heart. It is so real.
I urge you to watch the film as it's so remarkably good.
An old man dealing with the lost of his dead wife, a lesbian couple, a 'loser' in life with his crazy crush, and a blind deaf woman's take on life as a whole.
Also from my pov, it also touches on moving on with life, telling us that there're worse things that could happen to us.
Telling us about embracing life, and to 'see' how beautiful this world could be with different 'eyes'.
Love not only exists between a man and a woman.
We have love for family, friends, mates, God, or whomever, that also propels us forward in life.
All told in a 90min feature.
Eric has indeed moved on from 12 Storeys.
Now I'm deciding between 'Eating Air' or 'Be With Me' as Singapore's best local feature.
Why not you tell me? Maybe you might think that 'Liang Po Po' is the best?

I forgot which film this line comes from.
'The most beautiful thing in life is to love, and to be loved.'
Something along the lines...
Can anyone tell me?
Oh, love is in the air, love is in the air, but I'm still underwater.

Alright, love aside, I'm trying to crack ideas out from my somewhat stale malfunctioning brain.
I gotta think of an idea for my 16mm showreel.
Though I know this is gonna be a throw away project, naturally I still do want to try my best.
I thought of shooting the 5 elements, being Earth, Fire, Water, Wind, and Wood. (I hope I got the 5 right.)
I would maybe shoot something related to these elements, perhaps burning of incense for Fire? Kite flying for Wind? Furniture for Wood? Beach or swimming pool for Water? Pottery for Earth?
But I have got to conceptualise these ideas down and plan out these shots.
I intend to link them together some way or another too.
Sigh.. Crack crack crack.
Do give me some feedback and ideas anyone.
(Oh, it's only 11mins long. 400ft 16mm film only..)

Old song.
But it's still as good as the first time I heard it.
Oh the lyrics...
Sigh.

U2 - With or Without You

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I’m waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she’s got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you

Argh.
Getting really 'sick'.
Digress.

Just got home from watching 'Zombie Dogs'.
An emotion that gathered within me is.... ANGST.
This film left me with no words to describe its atrocity.
Please do not misinterpret what I've just said.
I'm not trying to give the film credit.
It's not like 'Tarnation' watched during SIFF, which is raw, but still reaches the point of contact the director wants with the audience.
Instead I'm discrediting it of all the hype it got.
In a nutshell, it's CRAP.
C-R-A-P, CRAP.
Yes, indeed art is a personal thing.
It all depends on the individual and his so called perception of 'art'.
Well, I can say I belong right below in the ranks for art.
Yes, I am a storyteller filmmaker. A follower of the narrative form.
So kill me for being non-art.
Sometimes I spit in disgust for what is actually forced into my head through my eyes.
I should go put a camera in my room and film myself blogging now and call it art, then send it for sundance or cannes.
Argh, the boiled blood that flow in my vains right now.
Cook an egg on my forehead now please.
Will still go for Cleopatra Wong and Mee Pok Man.
I believe I can take any shit that come my way now as I've found a benchmark.
Zombie Dogs.
Lick the dirt off my feet Toh.
Self indulgent freak.

Am starting to send koobi into hyper mood.
Downloads of software, mp3s, movies, I feel like I'm feeding koobi with loads of nutrition.
Given the state of financial disability now, I don't think I can give koobi cool stuff like a thumbdrive, bluetooth attachment, firewire, or the ever tempting ipod.
I want to pamper koobi!
Put it into full throttle!
Run my white stallion!
(note: a trip to Funan is sinful when broke, like Gramaphone of HMV)

Just watched 'American Splendor' on dvd.
And finished watching 'Serial Experiment Lain' too.
It is boring sitting in at home just watching and watching and watching...
But it seems I just want to laze in the comfort of my room, on my bed.
Oh the peace. Peace is just an excuse.
Everyone's busy doing their own stuff.
Busy busy busy.
I can imagine myself being even lonelier 10 years from now.

I'm getting sick again.
A metaphor I borrowed from Wendy, but in another sense.
I was ok for the past few weeks, till now, the sickess is coming back again.
Just when the month is ending.
i seriously want this disease to end, here and now.
I need a cure.

Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye

this is our last goodbye
i hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just hear this and then i'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know

this is our last embrace
must i dream and always see your face
why can't we overcome this wall
well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all

kiss me, please kiss me
but kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
you know it makes me so angry 'cause i know that in time
i'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
and did you rush to the phone to call
was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
saying maybe you didn't know him at all
you didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

well, the bells out in the church tower chime
burning clues into this heart of mine
thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories
offer signs that it's over... it's over

Production stills of '48 - Ah Hock', our short film.
Isn't that little girl such a sweetie?
Photo taken with the double As in my course, the Pakistanis.

At last, the production for all 3 groups are over.
Only left with the returning of equipment tomorrow.
Now, I've to face the essay and final papers.
I can't write for nuts.
8 page essay?
For some of you out there reading this, it might seem easy. But to me, it's a torture.
2 pages would already take my life.
We'll just have to see how it goes.

I so love taking beautiful, creative, and well crafted shots.
Going through the entire movements, dollying, penning, tilting, focusing.
I enjoy it so much.
But the strain on my sleep and my body is a bit heavy.
Wonder how my back is gonna take all that in the future.
Well, we'll just have to see how it goes.

Am thinking of shutting down writewrite.
No point keeping something where I hardly update.
Furthermore I have my little journal to put those rubbish in.
We'll see how it goes then.

Once more, I can't sleep.
I gotta wait till it's a little later before being a little tired.
Caught 'The Maid' today at the preview.
Well, I ain't gonna talk much about it.
Go watch it and tell me about it.

Just finished compiling some notes for a short presentation later in the afternoon.
Will try attempt to wake up in the morn to do the slides.
If not, I will just read off the notes and give a shitty presentation.
Am enjoying this Patti Smith bootleg I downloaded from the net.
It's so raw. Lovely.
Patti Smith - Horses 30th annivesary Meltdown festival 2005.
Rock.

Just updated writewrite.blogspot.
It seems that I get inspiration only once a month.
Pathetic.
Oh well, that's what happens when you got no arty genes.
I found that out thanks to a module I take called 'Film as Art'.
How ironic.
I practically slept for most of the films screened for us to study.
And some of them are actually great classics..
How could I have slept?
I blame it entirely on the preview theatre where our lessons are held.
Too comfy.
But heck, it's just me.
I can watch boring flicks in cinemas and wonder why I don't fall asleep, but I KO when there're great classics screened in school.
I think my teenage school mentality is still in me..
Hope not. I'd rather blame it on the preview theatre.
Passion please pull me through these tough times!

Sometimes I just feel that the whole world hates me.
People talking behind my back when there aren't (I think), people giving me quiet, evil stares from afar, and people creeping up behind my back to give it a cold, hard stab.
I just feel that way, don't ask me why.
Other times, I feel like I'm all alone in this world.
It seems like I don't exist, with people not acknowledging my very existance.
I go about wandering the streets, watching as groups of passerbys walk, oblivious to my presence.
I talk to myself, asking questions about the world in my head, comparing it with our world.
Lack of appreciation, lack of comprehension, lack of compassion.
All these I feel the world is lacking, I feel that I am lacking.

Enough of the nonsense.
Watched Seven Swords that day.
I actually do enjoy it.
Great cinematic experiance.
I do feel that Tsui Hark has great vision.
His framing is beautiful (of course there are some that aren't that beautiful), and the DP did a fantastic job.
I still am wondering what kept me stuck to my seat for 2 1/2 hrs when I can't even watch films in school without sleeping.
The story for Seven Swords is real simple, actually computer game like.
Action, action, and more action. (Great kungfu scenes)
Am still pondering over the saving grace of the film.
What is it!? Can someone tell me?
Is it Charlie Yeung?
I think I will get the DVD.

Nights are getting shorter for me.
It's doing great diservice for my complexion(if there's any left), my eyes, and my physique.
I'm a glutton for sleep.
So shortened nights are torturous for me.
But days seem to be getting shorter day by day.
Sleep seems to waste so much of my time.
I need to catch up on so many things.
My dear friends, my dvd watching, movie watching, and my dear friends again.
I know I must find a balance, but it's so difficult.
I really do not want to distant myself from any of them.
Being a distant from someone once close to you is a very heart aching experiance.
Very.