wasted mind, wasted thoughts

Bus rides are lovely, but not when you're tired and moody after work.
The rude masses you've gotta face, the bad breaths you inhale, the ill-mannered singaporean, the knocks you get when people get lazy to even say EXCUSE ME.
On the bus home, exhausted and starved, I was thinking about how stagnant life can be if I get a 'stable' job.
I actually do the same thing everyday. (well, not really, but you get the point)
I was thinking about the things I think about daily and try to picture it with life on a whole.
I worry about the future, about school, about work, about money, about women, about..........
Is life just about the future, and how we try to make it secure?
It's too tiresome to live with these things to worry about all the time.
I want to live a life which doesn't require any worrying.
Who doesn't?
Actually it's just the money situation that makes me think that life sucks.
If I had money, I wouldn't be cursing and swearing at whatever's above me for putting me here.

I think another reason for my ranting about how shitty things are is partly due to the fact that my fellow peers are all way better off, compared to me, the ultimate loser.
Yes, yes, I know people in Africa have nothing to eat, kids are made to hold guns at a young age, bombs are killing hundreds, and my problems are only a fraction of the shit people are going through.
But, it's still MY OWN fucking problems that I'm worried about. And I can't do shit to stop all the bad things in the world from happening. So too bad.
I met my mates from OCS whom I've not seen for eons, and am really glad to meet them.
The only part that made me feel like crap was when we were talking about how each one of us were getting along in society.
They each have a good job, good pay, have girlfriends, and some were driving their own cars.
Me? Big bum, crap job, loser, penniless, womanless, car-less, who only knows how to spend his money on movies, CDs, fags, and alcohol.

Digress.
And while I was sitting on the bus, thinking about how bad the situation can be for me in life, a motherfucker sitting behind me kept kicking my chair. And I meant KEPT kicking and shifting about.
Being a normal Singaporean who doesn't usually voice his opinions, I kept quiet and curse beneath my breath.
I changed seats after a while, as I couldn't take it with him kicking while I'm getting emo and stuff.

Moving on with being penniless and yada yada, we were supposed to go prata, so I was thinking $12 would be enough for the prata and the next day's meal, being the poor guy I usually am.
But a last min change made us go somewhere different, which means $12 would only be enough for entry to use the toilet.
Knowing that I was poor, my friends paid for everything, making me feel worse about my current situation, being a bum and all.

I think that's all for now.
I think I just said too much.
Sorry for the vulgarities and all, but I don't really give a fuck.
I'm nice on a good day.
I know complaining won't get me anywhere, but I just want to find an avenue to release the crap in my wrecked head.
Sigh.