wasted mind, wasted thoughts

I'm still happy. But kinda troubled.
Hmm... I remember what my PC always said back in OCS.
"Always take one step back, and look two steps ahead."
I think that was what he said...
Sigh..
How long can my happiness last?
As long as I can keep it.. I hope.
I want to be in control of my happiness.
Sigh..

Holland lost.
What a dramatic match it was.
To lose a game you were winning.
Humbug.

I feel a sense of loss because I feel like I can't do anything to help at all.
It's like you wanting to do something for someone but getting your offer declined?

I do not want to end up lost.
I do not want to end up in naught.
I do not want to shoved aside.
I do not want to be stuck at that level.

I admit I want to be important.
I admit I am selfish for wanting to be happy all the time.
I admit I've got my flaws and that I am not perfect.
I admit I want to get to a different level.

But is all that possible?