Sunday, April 18, 2004
Well, sometime has passed since I last used the com at home to blog.
Something came to my mind out of no where.
I guess I'm starting to enjoy the feeling of home.
The pleasure of being able to do anything you want, going out anytime I want (that is a contradiction right?)
I don't like restrictions. Who does? But it so happens that I am in an organisation that offers the most.
I enjoy freedom. Who doesn't?
I hate being pressured by time, peers, superiors. Who doesn't?
Sigh.
Every morning I have to drag myself to work. I lie in bed thinking if I could just lie there motionless, and not being bothered by affairs that I'm least concerned about.
But do I have a choice?
Choice, what a misplaced word. Where can we ever find choice? Do we really have a choice in everything we do?
Free will? Is there really free will?
Argh, humbug.
I think I shouldn't think too much right?
I'm not in the mood to think deep now.
Now I'm thinking of something else. I'm currently listening to the song "Sway".
Heard that song on Tim's car once. I had to get that song. I love it.
(Think American Pie 1 when everyone just starts making love. Yes, the love making scene at the end)
Songs have their way with manipulation. They make you think of stuff out of nowhere.
It bring back a sense of deja vu because you heard that song when something happened ages ago.
You can think of something that's associated with the lyrics that happened before.
Or feelings could be churned out because of the strong lyrics that impose some meaning to your life.
I remember all the times when I felt strongly swayed by a certain someone.
I could give up things I had at hand just to meet her for seconds.
I could go all out to get something for nothing.
I'm still thinking if my actions could be justified. Was it worth my effort?
Maybe I wouldn't even be bothered if it was worth it. I thought of her feelings. Those were my priority.
A precious nights off of 3 hours, just to see her for 5 mins, but the rest of the time spent travelling.
Now things have mild down a lot. I no longer do crazy things as often. AS OFTEN.
Are we being selfish if we weigh our actions? whether it was worth it? or justifiable?
If we actually think of all that, wouldn't it be like trading? Hoping to get something in return for your "effort"?
Sigh.
Don't think too much.
Digress.
Movies movies movies!!!
I just figured that I had so many movies I had to watch!!! (They include movies from the past..)
I think I have to visit the video rental shop more often, and probably do more DO duties on weekends.
It wasn't that bad actually. I was DO yesterday..
I watched finished 3 shows! Not exactly.. I fell asleep while watching City by the Sea, some Robert Di Niro show. I finished the Hulk and Anger Management. Lame shows.. But entertaining none the less. Well, it helped me expand my time fully.
I have been really bored the past week. My mates have been mugging hard for their exams and I think I have spent too much time with them in the past.
I have gotten so used to their company. Too used to their company.
I've gotten so used that I actually neglect some other friends.
I rather spend quality time, not quantity time. I can practically do nothing with my mates, but still enjoy doing nothing. I can have loads of activities with my other friends, but still be bored inside, waiting to leave.
I think I'm narrowing my social circle. I seem to be forming a shield that blocks off anyone else other than my close mates.
Is this good or bad? This issue has been strangling me for some time.
Sometimes I think about what goose said regarding broadening our social circle. Is it really for the sake of companionship? Or some other ulterior motives e.g business associates?
Or is it because I really want a group of closer buds so that I can be ensured of companionship even if I age?
Sigh. Selfish me.
Something came to my mind out of no where.
I guess I'm starting to enjoy the feeling of home.
The pleasure of being able to do anything you want, going out anytime I want (that is a contradiction right?)
I don't like restrictions. Who does? But it so happens that I am in an organisation that offers the most.
I enjoy freedom. Who doesn't?
I hate being pressured by time, peers, superiors. Who doesn't?
Sigh.
Every morning I have to drag myself to work. I lie in bed thinking if I could just lie there motionless, and not being bothered by affairs that I'm least concerned about.
But do I have a choice?
Choice, what a misplaced word. Where can we ever find choice? Do we really have a choice in everything we do?
Free will? Is there really free will?
Argh, humbug.
I think I shouldn't think too much right?
I'm not in the mood to think deep now.
Now I'm thinking of something else. I'm currently listening to the song "Sway".
Heard that song on Tim's car once. I had to get that song. I love it.
(Think American Pie 1 when everyone just starts making love. Yes, the love making scene at the end)
Songs have their way with manipulation. They make you think of stuff out of nowhere.
It bring back a sense of deja vu because you heard that song when something happened ages ago.
You can think of something that's associated with the lyrics that happened before.
Or feelings could be churned out because of the strong lyrics that impose some meaning to your life.
I remember all the times when I felt strongly swayed by a certain someone.
I could give up things I had at hand just to meet her for seconds.
I could go all out to get something for nothing.
I'm still thinking if my actions could be justified. Was it worth my effort?
Maybe I wouldn't even be bothered if it was worth it. I thought of her feelings. Those were my priority.
A precious nights off of 3 hours, just to see her for 5 mins, but the rest of the time spent travelling.
Now things have mild down a lot. I no longer do crazy things as often. AS OFTEN.
Are we being selfish if we weigh our actions? whether it was worth it? or justifiable?
If we actually think of all that, wouldn't it be like trading? Hoping to get something in return for your "effort"?
Sigh.
Don't think too much.
Digress.
Movies movies movies!!!
I just figured that I had so many movies I had to watch!!! (They include movies from the past..)
I think I have to visit the video rental shop more often, and probably do more DO duties on weekends.
It wasn't that bad actually. I was DO yesterday..
I watched finished 3 shows! Not exactly.. I fell asleep while watching City by the Sea, some Robert Di Niro show. I finished the Hulk and Anger Management. Lame shows.. But entertaining none the less. Well, it helped me expand my time fully.
I have been really bored the past week. My mates have been mugging hard for their exams and I think I have spent too much time with them in the past.
I have gotten so used to their company. Too used to their company.
I've gotten so used that I actually neglect some other friends.
I rather spend quality time, not quantity time. I can practically do nothing with my mates, but still enjoy doing nothing. I can have loads of activities with my other friends, but still be bored inside, waiting to leave.
I think I'm narrowing my social circle. I seem to be forming a shield that blocks off anyone else other than my close mates.
Is this good or bad? This issue has been strangling me for some time.
Sometimes I think about what goose said regarding broadening our social circle. Is it really for the sake of companionship? Or some other ulterior motives e.g business associates?
Or is it because I really want a group of closer buds so that I can be ensured of companionship even if I age?
Sigh. Selfish me.
