Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Ah... Feels good to be home after a long ride from Changi Airport to Bukit Panjang. My arse was killing me. So was the wind in my eyes. I had to close my eyes a couple of times during the ride to allow it to chill... They felt the strain.
Why was I at the airport? Eric's flying off to Melbourne to study psychology.. Lucky dude. How I wish I had the finances to support my own trip. Sigh, we have to work hard for some things I guess. Sacrifices must be made too. Oh well, what's mine? I wish him all the best and to come back with his degree in one piece.
I threw my thoughts out at someone yesterday... Remember me being pissed without receiving a reply? I spoke my heart out to her yesterday night. And how very direct I was.. I think she must be put off from all the verbal abuse. No vulgarities were used. She apologised and I felt quite bad.. Usually I would be patient and thoughtful towards her feelings. What made me throw all that aside? I think the time has come for me to conclude my feelings. I think her tactics are working on me at last. I might have given up? I dunno. I'm supposed to meet her tomorrow to pass her a gift that's been lying on my table for nearly a month. Let's hope she likes it. It's rather plain though.. I wouldn't like it if I received it. Hahaha..
I THINK I'm hardening.. Not my dick! Rather my feelings and affection towards the opposite sex. I no longer think about how they feel. I'm turning selfish. All along I only want them to be happy and not ask for anything from them. Sounds very noble right..? Bullshit. Come to think of it I am quite a dope. I am a dope. Have I been too nice? Or rather I'm just too subtle with my advances? Maybe I should ask the females around me. Can anyone answer me?
I think I should give myself a break.
Work sucks. I detest going to camp everyday, but yet I still find some strength from God knows where to pull myself there. I love my men. I love the little conversations with them and the funny things they do. But yet the responsibility of their welfare is at my disposal. I want them to be happy. I want their efforts to be recognised. But do the people sitting above me know what they want? It's up to me to tell them. But do they listen? I really hope my men understand my plight. I want the best for them, but some things are just beyond my ability.
I read some of the comments I told them to write about the platoon and the problems they face at hand. It's quite disappointing and sad to see the things they write. It makes me feel as though I'm not working hard enough (which is true sometimes) and that I'm not making any effort to improve their situations. They make it sounds as though I don't care for them, which is the last thing I would do before I ORD. What can I do? I take each day as it comes, hoping for an answer to pop out. Each individual I face has his own problems and character. It's hard to make everyone happy. But that's a goal I must score.
I need sleep. Long day tomorrow.
Why was I at the airport? Eric's flying off to Melbourne to study psychology.. Lucky dude. How I wish I had the finances to support my own trip. Sigh, we have to work hard for some things I guess. Sacrifices must be made too. Oh well, what's mine? I wish him all the best and to come back with his degree in one piece.
I threw my thoughts out at someone yesterday... Remember me being pissed without receiving a reply? I spoke my heart out to her yesterday night. And how very direct I was.. I think she must be put off from all the verbal abuse. No vulgarities were used. She apologised and I felt quite bad.. Usually I would be patient and thoughtful towards her feelings. What made me throw all that aside? I think the time has come for me to conclude my feelings. I think her tactics are working on me at last. I might have given up? I dunno. I'm supposed to meet her tomorrow to pass her a gift that's been lying on my table for nearly a month. Let's hope she likes it. It's rather plain though.. I wouldn't like it if I received it. Hahaha..
I THINK I'm hardening.. Not my dick! Rather my feelings and affection towards the opposite sex. I no longer think about how they feel. I'm turning selfish. All along I only want them to be happy and not ask for anything from them. Sounds very noble right..? Bullshit. Come to think of it I am quite a dope. I am a dope. Have I been too nice? Or rather I'm just too subtle with my advances? Maybe I should ask the females around me. Can anyone answer me?
I think I should give myself a break.
Work sucks. I detest going to camp everyday, but yet I still find some strength from God knows where to pull myself there. I love my men. I love the little conversations with them and the funny things they do. But yet the responsibility of their welfare is at my disposal. I want them to be happy. I want their efforts to be recognised. But do the people sitting above me know what they want? It's up to me to tell them. But do they listen? I really hope my men understand my plight. I want the best for them, but some things are just beyond my ability.
I read some of the comments I told them to write about the platoon and the problems they face at hand. It's quite disappointing and sad to see the things they write. It makes me feel as though I'm not working hard enough (which is true sometimes) and that I'm not making any effort to improve their situations. They make it sounds as though I don't care for them, which is the last thing I would do before I ORD. What can I do? I take each day as it comes, hoping for an answer to pop out. Each individual I face has his own problems and character. It's hard to make everyone happy. But that's a goal I must score.
I need sleep. Long day tomorrow.
