wasted mind, wasted thoughts

Since I love my ibook so much, I have decided to give it a sex and a name.
She is called 'Koobi'!
Well, it's just ibook spelled backwards, but i think it's rather cute.
She is my companion now.
I love her, though her name sounds like Obiwan kanobi or something..
I will take good care of you from now on Koobi!

My first entry using my precious ibook!
But weird. I can't change my font format and stuff like that.
Actually I just woke up and am sitting by the window where I can actually use my wireless.
Woke up feeling like it's a brand new day.
Beautiful sky, warm sun, fluttering clouds.
Sitting by my windowside actually allows me to take a longer look at the surroundings which have been around since I moved in here 15 or 16 years ago.
Although I am physically rather exhausted and am having a bit of the smoker's cough, I still feel rather fresh after a good night's rest.
I feel this great sense of satisfaction whenever i finish a shoot.
No matter how much I might complain, or how stress I might be, or tired, I still do enjoy this great feeling of shouting 'wrap!' each time.
I think I really love this.
I think if I really do get on with this industry for good, I can even walk the remaining of my years alone.
Because at least I found something I really love.

Finished Narrative A at last.
Now for editing.
Hope it turns out well.
Will be crewing for the next team in a couple of hours more...
I've been missing so many things for the past couple of weeks.
Busy busy busy.
So busy that I don't even have the time for the things which are important to me.
Not even in my head.
Now I'm back to thinking again, but only for the past 2 days.
Should I erase the events that I hold dear like Eternal Sunshine? And then live to regret it later for forgetting?
I want to hold on, but it's quite bothersome.
I will hold on.
In 5 to 8 years time, I want to carve a niche for myself.
I want to have financial stability in order to provide for the people around me.
I want to shed this skin of poverty.

Just watched Fantastic Four for free.
Isn't that fantastic after all. Forgettable film, but still, entertaining.
Jessical Alba is SOOO HOTTTTT.
Hotter than the human torch! (Corny, I know)

My head is now rather clouded to recollect the many things that happen the past few weeks.
All I can recall is, Sarawak, the cute little girl in our short, the amount of pressure from shoot, the amount of sleep I got during production.
For a person who loves sleep, 6hrs in 2 days is too little to handle.
Hail the contradictist, for he's still blabbering on at this hour though he should be sleeping now.
Gotta reach school at 630am.
Ack! Goddamit!

I know I should be asleep now as I gotta be up at 630am.
What have I been doing these past few busy days?
Have I been up to no good?
No.
I have been slogging my head off for my current Narrative A, pre production, and now into actual production.
It is so god damn tiring.
But I so love the intensity of it all.
Even though we do have restraints and stuff which I am so pissed off about, I still love it.
I hope this passion will last.
At least it will stay with me longer as compared to other stuff. I hope.
All day long I'm out and I only get home to sleep for a few hours before leaving for the next day's shoot.
Tomorrow's the last day!
Hope all turns out well.
God, don't let it rain. Give me some sunshine dude.

'And I need your loving, like the sunshine, everybody's gotta learn sometime.'
*shrugs*
Sigh.

Oh, forgot to mention.
Sarawak Rainforest World Music Festival.
IT SO ROCKS.
I have sworn on my life that I will return next year.
The entire energy everywhere for the 4 days was out of this world.
I've so love the sight of everybody moving to the rhythm together.
Screw Wom*d, go to the festival next year, there's tuak(local rice wine that kills you if you have too much).

Had a pleasant evening with the guys.
Still love them, though the group seemed to have shrunk(?).
Haven't met the hair for a long time, it was great to see him again.
Birthdays among us guys actually has this ability to pull us out together no matter the circumstance. I love it.
I'm quite ashamed that I didn't know it was Tim's bday till late.
Being poor, no present of course.
I still had to bummed fags off him and beer. What a friend I am. Waha!
I still love you all. Pity I can't go to the BP dinner with you guys.
Will gatecrash after shoot!
Happy birthday Tim you old man!

I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again.
Such a fantastic simple show.
It makes your heart wrench.
The second time I watched it, it squeezes harder.
It's so bloody sad.
So so so bloody sad.
Go watch it and think about it. Yes, you.
I'll finish off with the song that hit me on the head like a hammer when it came on, with Jim Carrey all angsty and sad, throwing the tape out of the window eventually.
(Oh, I watched Amelie last night. I think I'm in love. I so love Audrey Tatou in the show I want to marry her)

Beck - Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime
Change your heart
Look around you
Change your heart
It will astound you

I need your lovin'
Like the sunshine

Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime

Change your heart
Look around you
Change your heart
Will astound you

I need your lovin'
Like the sunshine

Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime

I need your lovin'
Like the sunshine

Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime

I know I seldom curse much, but this calls for a real vulgar one.
Motherfucking kan ni na bei pua cheebye.
I didn't get the grant from MDA.
Those motherfucking son of a bitches.
All the more I must work hard and show them what I'm made of in the future.
But first, how am I gonna settle semester 2 fees?
I think I'm really increasing the financial burden on my parents.
It's not helping that I'm not working this weekend.
It's not helping when I've got productions coming up and I need to pay production costs.
It's not helping when I've got to travel and eat everyday.
ARGH.

Just came back from War of the Worlds.
The sfx were stunning.
Spielberg is really quite a genius.
I so love Dakota Fanning. She's such a brilliant child actor.
The show is really quite plotless, so the sfx saved everything.
Well, the acting was good too.
Though plot is really thin, being all action and stuff, the story shows you how Cruise actually goes all out to protect his daughter whom he hasn't shown attention to for some time.
In the car home, Goose brought up a point that if this were to happen to us, what would we do?
It brings me back to newton, where mojo jojo was talking about the earthquakes and the tsunami.
I mentioned about getting laid before death, not being serious about the whole thing.
But mojo said that it would be the act of love that brings you to your loved one, and making love to her for the last time and treasuring it.
This time in the car, I was thinking about going to a loved one. The want to shield harm away. The want to protect.
My dad has my mom. My mom has my dad. They have each other.
So will it be unfillial of me to run away? I hope not.
But no one really knows what they'll do till such an awful event happens to me.
I was telling Tim about a death/accident list that I was thinking of doing up.
Thanks to Natasha for inspiring me to do one.
It should be close to the priority list, having important people in my life know first hand if I were to meet with an accident or sudden death.
I even asked the nurse today if they have a form for me to fill up regarding organ donations on death. I went to donate blood.. I didn't go there specifically to lay my insides on the table..
I don't know why thoughts of sudden death and accidents keep popping up in my mind recently.
Maybe it's a sign?
Well, I always believed in 'if you gotta go, you gotta go' so no point worrying.
And I'm not contradicting myself.
I just want the people close to me to be informed.
If something were to happen to them, I would want to know as well.
These are people I care about, I believe.

M's right, being alone gives me time to think.
Think about other things.
Being alone gives me space.
Being alone gives me time to do what SHOULD BE important.
I'm trying something I believe I've not done before.
I will try to live it.
Thank you.