wasted mind, wasted thoughts

I'm happy.
I'm glad I managed to catch shows like Hotel Rwanda, A Very Long Engagement, and Finding Neverland even though I'm poor.
That's 'cos I watched them all for free!
Happy!
The 3 mentioned shows are really of great quality.
I swear.

I went out today with only 20cents in my wallet and my EZ-link card with only $1.20.
I made it home alive.
Thanks to friends who drive, and friends who have passes for free movies.
Me is glad.
But I'm partly upset that people do look at appearances and judge as well.
I'm saying this with reference with to my little encounter at a job agency.
I think I should get rid of my ear rings and get my hair black and give it a trim.
I give people the impression that I am a hooligan.
Sigh.

Now, I must get some money for movies I want to watch.
On the list:
Howl's Moving Castle
Million Dollar Baby
Team America:World Police
Sweden Film Fest
Aussie Film Fest
and many others that I can't remember.

Now that I stopped buying ciggys, I think the next killer would be movies followed by beer.
I need money.
Please let money drop from the sky, God.

I think only people who are single blog with consistency.
It is so obvious it's screaming out in my face.

Ok.
I have reached the ultimum and have come to a conclusion at last.
It's so drastic that I will have to skip watching 'Finding Neverland', and 'A Very Long Engagement', both shows I've waited so long to watch.

I WILL NOT SPEND MONEY ANYMORE.

Conditions are as follows:
1) I will not go out in any activities that require expenditure.
2) I will only start spending (WISELY) when I get a job and some income.
3) I will not even spend on things which include necessities i.e transport, food, beer, etc.
4) Borrowing and pity are not welcomed. (Pity includes treats and free gifts, but cigs and movies are exceptions for they are too dear to me)
5) Free car rides from friends are acceptable though.

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Why have I decided to treat myself this way?
I have realised how much I have relied on other people in my times of need.
Now I've reached the edge of the cliff.
Anymore and I will fall.
I have to stop bumming and stop thinking about how bad life is.
I need to realise that I got to do something other then to let time pass each day.
I will get a job even though I might not like it.
I need money to survive.
Welcome to the real world.

POORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Can't even enjoy a drink just because I don't have the money.
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
But nevermind. I want to go home early anyway.

Everybody.
Please give me your attention.
Go to esplanade tonight and listen to Mocca, a band from indonesia.
THEY SO ROCK.
They don't play rock, but think 50's and 70's music.
They're soooooooooooooooo good.
I want to marry the singer.
She's so sweet, and cute, and pretty.
So go down to Esplanade, outdoor theater, 845pm I think.
There's a malaysian band opening for them at 730 before that.
Go at 730. You won't get seats if you go at 845 because they soooooooooo rock.
Fantastic, marvellous music. Trust me on this on (together with watching The Sea Inside).

I gotta work on my portfolio to increase my chances for this course I'm enrolling.
I didn't know the competition would be so tough.
Fuck.
I got no experiance in photography, I don't know what to put into a portfolio, and I don't have much time left.
God help me.
Not only that, I gotta come up with a 2-3 page essay on objectives on my own philosophy on filming, and my objectives for this course.
I'm so gonna not make it.
I think I should just step into the system the government has laid out so well for me.
I will use my diploma and get an 8-5 job..... NOT.
Screw it! I will not give up!

Hmm. I sound himbotic today.
Oh well, I am.

Is this being lazy?

I bum the whole day at home.
I hardly unpacked my stuff from Hongkong, and my room is in a mess.
Hardly bothered finding a job, all I do the whole day is just stare at the computer screen, waiting for people to come online to remind me that I've been on the whole day.
I can't be bothered to write here anymore.
I gotta settle accounts with a couple of people but haven't done my sums.
I need to write my objectives for my enrollment, but I just can't think of what to put in.

I can't stay home too long.
I stay at home the whole day, waiting for someone to ask me out, at the same time thinking of where to go.
I can't help but love myself for being so... lazy? If that's what everybody calls it.

If I can actually persuade myself to type, I could type out this little journal I kept during my stayin Hong Kong.
Hong Kong is evil.
She makes you spend and spend.